I'm taking up a collection
I know there are a lot of philanthropic, generous people out there, so this is an appeal to all of you. I've decided to start taking up a collection for a noble, worthy cause:
Y'all can buy me an island.
For only $12 million, I could have my very own 740-acre Spanish island; it even has its own extinct volcano:
Atlantic views, your own stretch of beach and an extinct volcano on 300 hectares of land: one of the last Spanish islands left in private hands was put up for sale yesterday, offering a remote natural bolt hole to anyone with £6m to spend.
Montaña Clara, the "pale mountain" that rises from the sea north of the Canary island of Lanzarote, boasts a virtually untouched habitat and a breeding population of protected White-faced Storm-petrels, apart from the beach and the 256 metre-high remains of a volcanic crater.
Anyone who donates to the Buy Russ An Island Fund will have free room and board, anytime you want to visit. I promise.
Come on, people -- give until it hurts.