Cheney chooses new undisclosed location, buys Dracula's castle
In a surprise move, Vice President Dick Cheney has purchased Dracula's Castle to serve as his new "undisclosed location," anonymous sources say. A senior White House official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "The Vice President needed a new hideout somewhere off American soil." As more Bush administration officials come under legal scrutiny, the Vice President has decided to use his personal fortress as an offshore sanctuary in which officials may seek refuge.
"We need somewhere away from the reach of activist judges and their pesky warrants. Overzealous prosecutors think they can actually indict sitting members of this administration, and we seek to prove them wrong," the official said.
Another anonymous source has said the Vice President specifically chose the castle as his new base "in order to get in touch with his ancestors." The Vice President intends to locate his coffin in the dungeon, where he can presumably get a good day's sleep.